Sometimes I feel so content, but still sometimes so restless. I know I have more reasons to be content than restless when I really think about it properly, though. I've still got a ways to go, but things sort of seem to be starting to fall into place more and more.
I've had a far from typical school life, and teenage life, by and large. But I'd do it all over more or less the same, because I like who I've become and who I'm becoming, and I think my slightly atypical life has shaped me that way. People who do things differently are often made to feel strange about themselves by others who don't understand. But the thing is, I decided a while ago that it didn't matter that much.
It didn't matter if people thought how I did my schooling was weird. It didn't matter if people thought it was strange I didn't like drinking too much or trying drugs and partying. It didn't matter if people thought it was odd that I was more interested in learning and getting to know myself than just going along with what most everyone else I knew was doing.
What mattered was what worked for me, what I enjoyed, and what I wanted to do with my life. I had to live for me, not everyone else who thought I should be doing other things.
I realised basing my worth off what other people thought of me was pointless because other's opinions of you can change in a day. I've found if you base most (if not all) of your self worth off what you think of yourself, and you try to do what makes you feel best about yourself, you have an easier time. If I tried to please everyone I'd spend my life running 'round in circles, never really knowing what it is I want because I would be trying to do everything everyone else wanted!
So what if someone doesn't like my makeup or how I dress? It's how I'm wearing my makeup and dressing, and it hurts no one.
So what if it's "weird" that I'm interested in things much larger than myself and am not only concerned about my own little life? It's what I'm interested in, if I want to be just a little educated on politics, current events, or history, so be it! Again, it hurts no one, so who cares if someone thinks it's strange? Everyone's entitled to their opinions, but I don't have to agree!
So what if I did my schooling an alternative way? It's what worked for me, and I've gotten a pretty good education!
What I think I'm trying to say is that people shouldn't feel that they can't express themselves for fear of judgment from people, because the people that are going to make harsh judgments against you,
just because you're being yourself, aren't the most worthwhile people. The ones who can like, love, and accept you for being you, are the most important ones.
You know that Dr. Seuss quote,
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ? Yeah, that's more or less what I'm getting at.
Now that I'm almost eighteen, I'm far from an adult, but I've learnt a lot about myself in the past year or so. I've still got a lot to accomplish and work towards, but I feel like I know myself well enough now to manage. I've got a life ahead of me, but I'm not obsessed to rush into things. I'm taking a gap year to get a proper part time job, learn to drive, and figure out just what it is I want to do in post-secondary. It seems a lot of people my age are always talking about their futures now that they've graduated, and that's great, they should talk about whatever, whenever.
But the way I see it is everyone has a future, whether you're eighteen or eighty. And of course I want to make something of myself, and when you're young is usually the time to do it, but I'm not going to stress myself beyond belief about it and rush into things before I know, for sure, that it's the right thing for me. I didn't want to enrol in courses this autumn at university, only to change my mind later on, and know that I'd been unsure from the start. I'd rather start out with some sense of sureness.
I have a feeling I'll get it all figured out, even though I hadn't got all my plans sorted out the day after graduation.
And after that long talk, and before I go, have a picture from yesterday from when I actually bothered with makeup, unlike today. And yes, I have clothes hanging off my curtain rail, what of it? Haha.
xxx
